question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
