one two three fourrrrnication!
You can't motorboat a personality
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
