that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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