His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
