I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
