I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
