OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
