last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Let's get the cat blown out
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
