Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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