I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
