It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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