i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
