Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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