my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
