marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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