i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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