my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
