Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
