My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
