I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
