a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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