I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
