it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
