I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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