Who did Billy Mays play for?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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