So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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