Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
