Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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