Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I came so hard my ears popped.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
