dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
