with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
