remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
