A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
