Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
