just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
