At least make sure they are 18
Why
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
