i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
