Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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