This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
