I must be too annoying 4 u.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
