all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
