I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
