During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
