worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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