i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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