My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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