well you can't waste a boner
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
