My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
