i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
