Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
