I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
