I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
