We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
